Love is Not Enough
you are wasting your time.
But if you have come because your liberation is bound up with mine,
then let's work together."
~ An Aboriginal woman.
I have the privilege of joining 2,000 other activists from around the country for the "Creating Change" conference in Detroit this week. The first day's agenda was devoted entirely to anti-racism/anti-oppression sessions.
It's startling to me how often we approach helping others with only ourselves in mind:
WE want to help you (whether you have asked or not)
in OUR way
using OUR definition of what's helpful
with OUR worldview
on OUR timetable
to achieve OUR desired outcome.
How little that has to do with the other person! If we look at that process honestly, it's completely arrogant. It sends the message to those for whom we are "caring":
WE know what's best for you
WE'RE smarter and more capable than you are
OUR way is superior to yours
WE can take better care of you than you can of yourself
A couple of years ago, I was completely distraught over the treatment we were receiving after Ari had come out from someone very close to us. (I'll call this person "Frank.") I spoke to a great teacher in my life who then asked me a question and sent me on my way:
Who is Frank?
I puzzled over that question for several weeks. Like a coin, I flipped this person's life story every way I could and thought constantly about what it must be like to be Frank and to have had his life experiences. In the process, I understood this individual in ways I never had; and, as a result, the negative feelings I had been experiencing were replaced with compassion.
The answer to the question, "Who is Frank?"
I am Frank.
Each person's life and suffering is inextricably linked to my own -- including the person who is causing me the most difficulty or the person who makes me feel uncomfortable because he or she is different from me. We are interconnected. And, as a result, I am diminished when others are diminished. I am marginalized when others are marginalized or oppressed -- or any treatment other than being celebrated for the fullness of their unique individuality.
Loving someone isn't enough. It isn't enough if your action or your silence is causing another to be oppressed. Love is intentional. And, it's a lot of work . . . I'm rollin' up my sleeves!
"Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and right doing,
there is a field.
I will meet you there.”
~ Rumi
Labels: creating change, inclusivity, interconnectedness
posted by Colette Beighley @ 7:52 PM
4 Comments:
Bravo!
Very enlightened.
Your illumination is liberating to us all!!
Beautifully written, Colette!!
It makes me realize, "WE ARE ALL FRANK"
Colette,
You are a dear. In the midst of such busy days, you are taking time out to share what you're learning. I hope you get good sleep each night. Your thirsty body and soul are going to need daily rejuvenation.
Happy learning. Happy networking!
See you Saturday,
Alan (and Kim)
Colette-
Totally inspiring! Thank you so much for sharing. What a great illustration that we can all use to move negative emotions to compassion.
Deep Bow to you dear friend!
Allison
Post a Comment
<< Home