Our Family's Story on the Sunday Front Page
When the Muskegon Chronicle asked to interview our family, we were happy have our trusted friend Susan Harrison Wolffis tell our story. We were surprised, however, to find it the lead story on the front page of the Sunday edition!
Now we're hoping it will save lives.
Parents Choose to Accept Son Over Church and Friends
In 2005, while his parents were getting ready for a Super Bowl party at their home in Spring Lake Township, Ari Beighley asked if his mother had a couple of minutes to talk. Two hours later, mother and son emerged from conversation, their lives irrevocably changed. "Even when we were talking that day, I remember thinking: Things are never going to be the same again in this family," said Ari's mother, Colette Beighley.
"In a sense, everyone had his or her own 'coming out.' " By the end of the year, Ari Beighley's father, the Rev. David Beighley, 56, had his ministerial license "withdrawn" by the West Michigan District of the Wesleyan Church for, among other things, questioning the denomination's position that homosexuality is a sin, he said.
Labels: Beighley, family, gay, glbt, lgbt, loyalty, spiritual violence
posted by Colette Beighley at
10:57 PM
8 Comments:
Hurray for courage. Yours for telling a powerful story of family and love, and Susan's for taking the risk of presenting this story in the midst of a community that is uncomfortable--and even unwelcoming--in its appearance.
Leaders and pioneers don't have easy lives, but they live their visions with authenticity and gusto. Bravo, Beighleys! Keep speaking your truth. As the nifty little black and white sticker says on local bumpers, "Love Wins."
Love,
Alan Headbloom (sorry, couldn't log in, forgot my #$%^^&* password)
July 17, 2007 12:20 AM
It’s great to see that even with the face of religion that the family stayed together. This has been something that has been a concerned greatly with my coming out, and with the continual coming out.
For years I feared my family's Catholic views that I was raised in and conservative beliefs. Coming out came after years of struggle and a attempt at suicide which is sadly what one in three LGBT teens will attempt.
After coming out it was an issue for the family on the issue of religion. My parish did not take it well and I was asked to leave, even though I was a Eucharist minister and in the youth group. I left the parish, but my mother wanted me to continue going. This caused issues for myself with a relationship to my family to this day, and will continue to.
My coming out to my extended family is still going on. I have come out to some, such as my mother's mom who I greatly feared her traditional Catholicism. Yet she was very acceptable when I told her at last Thanksgiving even inviting my partner at the time to the family Christmas gather. This brought me to tears over the unexpected acceptance.
Religion was the main fear for me, to keep me from coming out. Religion now is the main thing that keeps me from telling extended family. Some of who are finding out through my very active life as a LBGT and Human Rights activist, via the news. This I do not regret, I love who I am and the work I do, including volunteering for Triangle frequently.
I am so glad that, Colette's family came through this in support and love for the family over all else. This is a golden model for so many families that are and will deal with a child coming out, or other family member.
July 17, 2007 12:29 AM
Your story has provided a beacon of hope for many families and for children not yet out. The love you have shown for your children is the best exemplar of what it means to be human.
My own story is the reverse of yours. My coming out as a gay father of grown children has caused a strain that still persists 20 years later. I hope my oldest son will read your story and understand that love is the only link that counts.
Bob Toft
July 17, 2007 8:01 AM
We are Ari's god-parents from California. David and Colette have been our very close friends for many years. They are family, and as family we stick together - no matter what.
Our love for the Beighley family is unconditional. We support you and we know that God's love for you transcends any "religious" beliefs.
Harvey and Michele Scatena
July 19, 2007 10:44 AM
Thanks for this encouraging story. As someone who is gay and who lives not terribly far from Muskegon, I continually struggle with how to be myself. This story of a family that pulled together is amazing. Thanks!
July 24, 2007 4:07 PM
My wife found your blog and directed me to it. Sadly, your story is one that is shared by far too many people. But wonderfully your love and acceptance of your gay son and your willingness to share your story is also something that is becoming more and more common.
I am the father of a bisexual son who took his own life at age 17 after being assaulted in a hate crime. That was 12 years ago. Since then I have seen our communities take giant strides toward complete acceptance of our glbt friends and family; yet the hate and bigotry of many religious communities continues to astound me - and this from people who worship Jesus, who taught nothing but love.
July 31, 2007 12:38 PM
Ari was my student in elementary school. He was a great kid and was well liked by others. It is a shame that some people are now looking at him through the label of "gay" rather than for who he is.
I, for one, am so impressed with him and his family. Colette and David, you are amazing, not only for the support that you have shown your son, but also for the trail you are blazing for others. Families in conservative West Michigan need role models to show that it is okay to be different in any way.
I am deeply disturbed that a church that is based on the principals of love and acceptance would turn it's back on a long time member for something as common as homosexuality. When will churches stop trying to deny that being gay is a reality, not a lifestyle choice? Where is the sin in living authentically?
I applaud the Beighley family for taking this risk for Ari and for so many others. You are making a difference!
August 2, 2007 11:05 AM
Wow! Mrs. Clark, Ari's beloved first grade teacher, has weighed in -- and with great kindness!
Thank you to Mrs. Clark. You have always been a great friend to our family and have a special place in our hearts!
Even after 13 years, you are still bringing that first-grade-teacher magic to our lives!
The Beighley family sends Mrs. Clark and her family lots of love!
August 2, 2007 11:48 AM
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